Down Time

For the past two weeks, I have  been feeling down. To be more precise, I have been feeling like... crap. That's right. I restarted college and even university - big dreams about BS degree (ha, ha), but lately I do not feel like doing anything. Don't want to write essays, don't want to do assignments -- simply because I feel that next semester I will not be at the university. Who can afford the tuition? Two thousand dollars a class - wow! I asked Financial Aid office for help - their answer is "Take out loans." Right... 

I started a new job - actually, restarted the old one I used to have at a local college, working at the Computer Lab as an "Tech Assistant." Part-time, 20 hours a week. Not much, but it's something. It has its perks - access to the computers, flexible schedule, studying Microsoft Office programs... 

What's the point? What's the reason for - living, learning, aging?

 What the hell am I here for???

I do not know. And none of their classes will teach me or tell me that. Also, none of my education can teach me about being a parent.... 

See you all later 

The Nicest Person He Ever Met

Why me? Because you are the nicest

Person I ever met, - he says. - After Grandma.

He must have misspoken, I think. I am

The vicious enforcer, I come from

The land of "No," I never

Let him do what he wants, I always

Make him do what he has to. At dinner, I 

Holler at them: " Put your feet

Down! Sit up 

Straight!" Each evening, I check their

Homework, backpacks, reading, showers. 

I used to think that being mom means 

Giving them hugs and kisses

 Holding them when they are sad,

Being happy when they  are happy. Now

The main thing seems to be 

Telling them what to do, checking, and

Hoping that

Some day it will

 Make a difference.