Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Stitching Thoughts

From the completed canvases I see
My stressful moments looking back at me -
The mess of life is sorted, squared, outlined.
It may be dead, because it's pre-designed -
But the design brings order and makes sense:
The final outcome is known - at no expense.
I can un-live, re-live each moment many times
In nervous agony - that's pleasant to the eyes.

1 comment:

  1. Good second line, (though I don't normally like personification)

    I really like the near inner rhyme
    of 'stressful' and 'mess' in the 2nd and 3rd lines
    Good alliteration of the 's' sound
    in the third line; and consonance
    of 'd' in sorted, squared, outlined, dead, pre-designed

    very good phrase--I can unlive, relive each moment many times

    more fine internal rhyme--many and agony

    Suggestion: maybe make the first line more vivid
    so the reader can see 'it' and singular to match the rest of the poem which is singular.

    great last line!
    In nervous agony--that's pleasnt to the eyes

    Thanks for sharing the thoughtful poem




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