From the completed canvases I see
My stressful moments looking back at me -
The mess of life is sorted, squared, outlined.
It may be dead, because it's pre-designed -
But the design brings order and makes sense:
The final outcome is known - at no expense.
I can un-live, re-live each moment many times
In nervous agony - that's pleasant to the eyes.
Good second line, (though I don't normally like personification)
ReplyDeleteI really like the near inner rhyme
of 'stressful' and 'mess' in the 2nd and 3rd lines
Good alliteration of the 's' sound
in the third line; and consonance
of 'd' in sorted, squared, outlined, dead, pre-designed
very good phrase--I can unlive, relive each moment many times
more fine internal rhyme--many and agony
Suggestion: maybe make the first line more vivid
so the reader can see 'it' and singular to match the rest of the poem which is singular.
great last line!
In nervous agony--that's pleasnt to the eyes
Thanks for sharing the thoughtful poem
Peace,
Daniel