Happy New Year!

 Hello, dear friends,

Another year over, the new one is starting. Traditionally, it's the time for drawing the line, making conclusions, reviewing results, and making new plans.

I feel 2021 has been a good, productive year for me. In the past year, I ... 

• Got a promotion at work. I got promoted from Receptionist to Accounting Clerk - quite a change! New responsibilities, new challenges... New and interesting things to do.
• Got my citizenship. I am now an American citizen. I can vote! I feel like Pinocchio: "I am a real boy!" (well, girl).
• Got my passport. I applied for the US Passport - and received it just before Christmas. I can travel abroad (although with pandemic rules right now it is more hypothetical than real, but - all in good time). 

Though the list itself is short - three points, but they are substantial ones. Looking back, I realize that in the past year I have achieved more than the year before, and in the past six years (since my separation and divorce) - more than I have ever achieved in all previous 18 years of my family life/marriage. It is as if to start achieving my goals, I had to first get divorced. 

I have been going to school, and in July of 2022 I will have completed my degree. Just one more semester, two classes. My textbooks for the Spring semester are already here, school starts at the end of January. It will be challenging - two classes with the full time job - but it's not the first time I have to do it. At the end of this challenge, another thing will be accomplished, another thing "ticked off" my "to do" list.

Speaking of lists... I am really into them. "To do" lists, schedules, plans - daily, weekly and monthly, and then yearly, and then "lifetime" goals... I break my challenges into smaller bits, and then work on each bit separately. That way, I am not intimidated by the goals I set for myself. Water breaks stone. 

With all the work, school and life there is one list I have been completely neglecting - my stitching WIP list... As of a week ago, I did not have even one finish to show for the year. I have been trying to stitch, but mostly I just ended up falling asleep in the chair, with my needle in my hand and my project having maybe fifteen stitches added to it...  In December, school vacation started, and with that and the holidays I was able to at least have one finish for the old year - and then the first finish for the New Year. 

"Autumn" by gazette94

I finished it on December 30th. Then, encouraged by the result, I started a new project - "Snowmen" by Durene Jones - and here it is! Finished it at 2 am on January 1. 

"Snowmen"

Here's to finishes! No matter how small they are. They all count!

Until next time, 

Oh Back To School...

Hello, dear friends,
I am back with exciting news: I am going back to college!
The place I work at has a program that reimburses college students for their approved educational expenses, and my co-workers have been encouraging me to continue on with my schooling, because - education always stays with you, doesn't it? Finally, I learned of the University of La Verne program - several degrees being offered right through our local Hancock College - and made a decision. I am going for my Bachelor's in Business Administration.
Now, in the past, when I posted such announcements, I would always get responses such as, "Congratulations!" and "Go for it!" and "You've got it!" This time, I say it's too early to break out the champagne, so to speak. I am taking it very slow and very seriously - one class at a time. Right now - online, as my job is my first priority. Later, depending on the situation, I may start taking evening classes.
I am also being more pragmatic, - that is (also unlike before) I am not "throwing my all" into the goal of education. I am stating this because when I talked on the phone to my academic adviser, he was very eager to suggest I sign up for everything all at once and "get it out of the way." No, I said. I work full time. I have limits to my time and strength. Education is important, but only if it is congruent with other parts of my life, helps me understand and advance, and does not interfere with my ability to make a living. He seemed a bit bummed and irritated at the end, but.. so what. I got my SEP out of him and signed up for my first class - Algebra -  a couple of weeks later.
Algebra... I have spent most of my educational life trying to avoid it. Now, it seems, there is nowhere to escape. I am tackling it, one lesson and one homework assignment at a time. Officially, the class started Monday, but our amazing teacher gave us a two week head start by posting all the materials on the website two weeks early. Tuesday, I went to the Math Center and rented a scientific calculator, and checked the Center's hours. I know I will be coming there for help regularly, so might as well get comfortable.
Speaking of getting comfortable... I learned all over again how good the coffee is at the college cafeteria, and how tasty their muffins are. Every time I get back to school, I re-discover that fact all over again. For years, educational pursuit for me has been associated with hot strong drinks and pastries.

Dreams and Goals

Well, the New Year has started. Hello, New Year! What will you bring to me and to my family?

I hope for more positive experiences in my everyday life. I want to be less stressed, less tired. In general, I hope that this year will be happier than the last one.

I plan to keep going to the gym and lose more weight. Ever since I started exercising six months ago, I have been feeling more positive and energetic, and as I work out, my head gets clearer. Not as much running around like a headless chicken, forgetting what I was doing every five minutes. I can keep to the task and complete it (most times). Those who know PTSD will agree with me that it's no small achievement. Plus, being able to fit in my old pants once again is a great motivator!

I plan to expand and improve my skills.. Now what does that mean? Originally, I thought of going back to college and completing my Bachelor's degree in Accounting. Now, after a meeting with a counselor and doing the "cost vs. benefits" list over and over in my mind, I have decided instead to take a Community College Machine Sewing class. I've been wanting to learn how to sew "properly" for years now. It's a great investment in myself - and it will pay off a lot sooner (unlike the distant BS degree) in my "home business" plans.

I plan to write letters to my friends...

I plan to stitch!

Not a long list. But, on the up side, it is completely within my reach. When it comes to goals, I don't feel like reaching for the sky, - a tree branch just over my head is good for now.

What are your goals for the this year, my friends?

Back to school

My kids are going back to school tomorrow, and so am I. I have signed up for a couple of classes at our college. I like going there, college has a special atmosphere that makes one think he can survive solely on coffee and inspiration. All financial problems, all family troubles or job search concerns fall away before the aspiration of fulfilling one's dream (or, in this case, an education plan). Even if it is short-term, this boost of energy is needed. Without it, accomplishing goals would be impossible.
This time, I am going for an Accounting degree. First time around, I went for an Associate's in Child Development and graduated - almost five years ago. After that I worked for Head Start, until two years ago, when I was attacked. Since then, dealing with noise and uncontrolled environment (those who teach know that's what preschool is) has been difficult for me. So, I am going for the second goal I have. Hopefully, I will be able to make this work field mine... eventually.


Wish me luck!

Out with the Old, In with the New Year's goals

Looking back,  I can honestly say that in the past year I have stitched more and finished more projects than in the previous five years. Let's see...
Celtic Summer
Heart Sampler
Breast Cancer Awareness project
Advent Calendar (finished - and used for the first time!)
Mother Goose pillows and toy (beak repaired, pillows stitched - finally)...

Plus, of course, there were many, many small projects... Stitching-wise, it was a good year.

 Quite a few of these achievements were possible because my sensitive and loving husband got me a sewing machine for Christmas. Having this tool has brought a new dimension to the whole stitching process. Now I can make things that are useful and practical, not just decorative.

In the new year, I plan to...
Make hand stitched post cards
Continue developing my Etsy shop
Make three presents for my online blogger friends - I made promises, so - gotta keep them...
Finish a Victorian House stitching project
Stitch Celtic Lady Autumn

In addition to that, I also hope to find a job, but, given the situation of our economy, I am starting to accept that for a while I may have to be content with the role of Susie-homemaker.

Finally, today we had some people from the electric company show up and replace all our light bulbs and lighting fixtures with the ones that are "more energy efficient." Now that I see them burning I understand how these save energy - they are incredibly dim. Our rooms are so dark that I can neither stitch nor read. I went to the closet and wanted to put the old bulbs in when Joe reminded me that the nice gentlemen from the company took all the bulbs with them... And all this time I was wondering what the catch was...



Autumn Biscornu



Summer Biscornu

It's August....

Wow, time really flies. It's August, soon the new school year will start (again!) and the children will come back from their vacation... It'll be noisy and happy(?). Or - stressful? Probably all of the above. Hoping for some nice mix there.
I'm stitching, stitching, stitching and have nothing to show for it. For some reason I do not feel like showing my WIP of the sampler, I really want to get the whole thing finished before I post the picture. Is it professionalism speaking? or something else?
There is one thing I am struggling with still  - inspiration. I do not know what I want to do with  myself. For a while, I have been thinking that it's teaching that inspires me, so I've gone to college and got my degree in Child Development. I started working for Headstart. But now, after everything that's happened, I do not feel that inspiration any more. Or, maybe, I have never had that inspiration, and the events just brought it to light.
The question remains: what do I do with myself? Stitching gives me comfort... Reading inspires my thinking.... Talking and writing relieves the pressure of thoughts. Should I be a stitcher? A reader? A writer? A therapist? Strictly speaking, I am already the first three. I don't get paid for it, but then again, not many people do. To become a therapist, I would have to go back to school.
I see inspiration in the works of other stitchers - and I want to be just like them, feel like their pictures and blogs feel - kind, cheerful, happy! But I am not like them. There is something missing in me... or something added? - that does not allow me to feel that happiness.
What do I want? Honestly, I want peace and comfort. I want to stop worrying about all the mundane everyday problems. This is something that is up to me. No amount of education can solve that...
And that is my DAILY DRAMA post!

New Year's Resolutions, Goals, and Updates

After recent events I felt I needed an outsider's point of view - someone who was familiar with the general problem I was facing, but not entirely in the picture. That point of view came from an old friend; he said (adding that he was probably quoting someone) - "People try to "help" fixing someone else's life when their own lives are not quite working out. And the more successful your life is, the more "helpers" you may expect. Ignore them and stick to your own business - no attitude, no "I'll show them" behavior; that's the best way."
Now that I am translating his words into English, I know I've heard this before. Maybe I had to read these words in Russian to get inspired. In light of this, I have decided to try and ignore "helpers" and "supporters" of this sort. Another words - I am going to try and ignore all stupidity. I am going to focus on my own health, my children's health, and my family's improvement. We all have been through a lot this past year, and we will need time to recuperate.
Since last week, I have found myself unable to concentrate on tasks: cross stitching does not get done; reading is not an option; I can't focus when watching a movie. Tutoring job had to go - I have neither patience, nor attention span necessary for this kind of work. A good friend advised me to do small tasks - housework, dusting, sweeping - something where I will be able to see the results of my work instantly.
I can, however, write in my journal. That helps. Describing feelings and emotions provides an outlet and brings relief. Writing this blog helps - even though I am not sure how many people read it; but it is truly a stitching time - a stitch in time - one step at a time - process; just like life.
Now about my cross stitch and embroidery plans. About two weeks ago, after my splints were removed, I was so excited, so full of ideas and plans... I wanted to sign up for the Celtic Lady SAL - and I went to the store, got the chart, and over the next week found the linen and most of the floss needed for the project. I also planned to sign up for the Oriental Bunka Art lessons at Community education - to learn Japanese embroidery. Then - I noticed my concentration problems. Bunka art had to wait - to save myself the embarrasement of crying in class. Stitching at home is also put on hold - hopefully only temporary. I hope to get back to it, a little bit every day - even if only 10 minutes at a time - and build it up, just like everything else...
This is what amazes me: the whole stressful event took maybe ten minutes - but the affects of it are still showing up, and are far from over... It's a gift that keeps on giving, someone said. I can see and feel myself changing - I don't even care if it's for better or worse; I just know that I will never be the same because of what happened during those ten minutes. My changes happen suddenly, unexpectedly, but, strangely enough - also one step at a time... Just faster steps.
We'll see what happens. I change - one step at a time; I write - one word at a time; I live - one day at a time.

Update

Hello, everyone who cares,
For a while, I did not want to write anything, because there was nothing good to write - or, at least, nothing good enough to bother opening the web page. Our computer is very slow, and it takes nearly ten minutes just to open the Internet Explorer, so by the time I log in to the site, my motivation to write anything is often gone.
Today I have a piece of news good enough for posting: Community Action Commission hired me for a position of a substitute teacher! Plain English - I will be a pre-school teacher at Head Start in Santa Maria area, substituting for teachers that are sick or on vacation. Apparently, Santa Maria has around 18 locations (I was surprised), so the work will be coming soon. Also, the Head Start will be working with my schedule, and I get to choose which assignments to take and what schedule to work.
Although the potential to make money and work my own hours is exciting, the main reason I feel good is because I finally get to do something I have had training for, something professionally sound. The flexible schedule and the potential to advance are nice perks, but it will give me a chance to determine whether I am made for this work before I commit to a full-time shedule.
In addition, I submitted my poems and short story to "Harvest" - Allan Hancock literary journal. We'll see what happens...

The Ending and the New Beginning...

I suppose the Powers that Be heard me - or read my blog about the workplace. Last week I was laid off. Not for anything I had done, no fault of my own (the boss was clear about that), but because there is really not enough work. Through the weekend, I was panicking - after all, this is my source of income, what am I to do?
And then... I came by the college. I received my Associate's with them last year, so why not go on? They looked at my records and sent me to the Transfer Center - to speak to the University Rep. The University Rep spoke to me, and it looks like I may be restarting school by the end of this month! That's provided that my Financial Aid goes through. But - what a great opportunity!
I have something to look forward to.